Wise Mind in DBT

DBT describes three states of mind. Learning to recognise which one you are in is one of the most useful things the therapy teaches.

The three states of mind

• Emotion mind is when feelings are in charge. Thinking is hot, urgent and shaped by the emotion. Everything feels true right now.
• Reasonable mind is when logic is in charge. It is cool, factual and planning-focused, but it can ignore what you actually need or value.
• Wise Mind is where the two overlap. It honours your emotions and the facts at the same time, and it usually feels quieter and steadier than either.

Neither emotion mind nor reasonable mind is bad. Emotion gives us passion, care and warning signals. Reason helps us solve problems. Wise Mind integrates both.

How to tell which mind you are in

Ask yourself:

1. Does this feel urgent, like I must act right now? That is often emotion mind.
2. Am I ignoring how I feel completely, treating myself like a spreadsheet? That may be reasonable mind.
3. Does the answer feel calm and settled, even if it is hard? That is often Wise Mind.

Three ways to reach Wise Mind

1. The breath question

Breathe in and silently ask, "Wise Mind?" Breathe out and listen for whatever arises, without forcing an answer. Repeat for a few breaths. Sometimes the answer is a word, sometimes it is simply a sense of what not to do.

2. The stone in the lake

Imagine you are a small stone dropped into a clear lake. Picture yourself slowly drifting down, past the choppy surface, to the calm water at the bottom. Notice what you know from there.

3. Both-and statements

Write down the emotion mind view and the reasonable mind view side by side. Then write one sentence that includes both. For example: "I feel hurt that my friend cancelled, and she has been honest with me before. I can tell her it stung and still trust her."

Using Wise Mind for decisions

Before sending a message, ending a relationship or making a big purchase, pause and run the breath question. If you cannot find Wise Mind, that is information too. It usually means waiting until intensity comes down is the wiser choice.

Learn Wise Mind step by step in Skillful